This is 25 random things about me from a tag on facebook. I just decided to copy it into my blog!
Well, since I have been tagged about 30 times, I suppose I should finally write my 25 things...Here goes...
1. I am the most paranoid person I know. I can't sleep alone in my house. I don't like going out alone at night. When I do go to the store at night I watch for anyone lurking around. Additionally, I have to admit I have occasionally run like an idiot to my car clutching my keys even in a lit parking lot. I insist that our car and house doors remain locked at all times. I was convinced I was being chased multiple times in my childhood... I could go on, but you get the idea. I always fear the possible disasters in any situations, ie: bears or forest fire while camping in the woods... someone drowning in a pool or lake...
2. I am a total homebody. I just love to be home with my husband and kids.
3. I love to cook and to eat. (this is probably not surprising to anyone :)
4. I am very forgetful. I can never find anything and even forget IMPORTANT events. I cried all night recently when I missed something that I had been looking forward to for weeks! Still I forgot it!
5. I served my mission in Mississippi.
6. I met my husband there.
7. I have a whole list of phobias:(see #1), spiders, snakes, anything crawly or slimy, bears and other large animals, heights, fire, water, newspaper, chalk boards, dirt...I know, I'm weird and I spend a lot of time avoiding stuff...
8. I am copying my sister here...I am indecisive... I can't decide which restaurant to go to or which brand or type of thing to buy. Jay and I have actually had a number of arguments over not wanting to be the one to choose where to eat out!
9. I often don't buy things because I have a hard time spending money on something unless I know I will want it forever. I buy practical things that I can see a use for, but beautification items: furniture, carpet, paint, picture frames, clothes, etc... I can never decide (see #8) which color or type I would want so I don't buy anything! If I do buy said item, I have spent a ridiculous amount of time mulling it over :)
10. I am a sucker sales and I LOVE feeling like I got a deal.
11. This also should be no surprise after reading this far, but my husband is a saint!!
12. In spite of my paranoia and indecisiveness, I am a strong and stubborn woman. If something does matter to me I DON'T back down.
13. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.(see #11)
14. I really enjoy debating ideas, at least when no one gets their feelings hurt.
15. I like to sew, and I would love to learn to do it better.
16. I am very shy and have I difficulty with social situations.
17. If I feel comfortable with you, I will talk your ear off!!
18. I love to watch movies, especially the sappy love stories.
19. I love all kinds of music. A few of my favorites are: Rascall Flatts, Linkin Park, Pat Benatar, Van Morrison, The Supreme's, Il Divo and Josh Groban...But I could go on FOREVER!
20. I love to be outside in beautiful places: I love the mountains, and I loved it in the south in the spring when all of the bushes are blooming. Everything blooms down there!!
21. I would like to learn more about gardening so I could make my yard more beautiful.
22. I love to play sports, but I rarely do because I am terrible at them. I only have fun when I feel like nobody minds that I am terrible :)
23. I love the smell of coffee. It reminds me of my childhood cabin trips. I walk down the coffe aisle in the store just to breathe it in!
24. I wish I could be a better mom. I yell too much and I don't think I discipline correctly.
25. I love singing hymns. They remind me of my grandma Jensen and my mom. They make me feel good and I would love to memorize more of them. :)
I don't know how to tag people, so if you haven't already written one of these, I tag you!!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
My sweet little Ethan should be going into surgery right now. It is killing me not being there! Its not like I can make it better for him, but at least I get to see what he is doing and not be away from him so long. I wish that I had enough faith to just take life as it comes without exhausting myself with worry. It's just an eye surgery and the same kind he had a year ago. Not only that, but if the unthinkable happens, I know that everything is part of the plan of our Heavenly Father and that all works to our eternal good. In spite of that, I spend so much time torturing myself with all of the tragic possibilities and fearing the worst before it even happens. How do you get to the point where you have the faith not to do that?
I guess I am just selfish. I want to control everything to keep bad things from happening. I just love my family so much I don't think I could bear losing them. And I feel like I am so blessed and haven't really had to deal with any MAJOR trials. So I guess I feel it is only a matter of time before something terrible has to happen. (What a terrible attitude huh?) The irony is that I suffer so much because of my fears without any bad things happening! And my anxiety can't stop anything from happening anyway!! The other reason it doesn't make sense to me is that the Lord has NEVER left me alone.
I thank him every day for the path he has lead me on. My life never really has gone as I planned, and yet I wouldn't change ONE THING. He has lead me into greater joy than I could have ever imagined for myself over and over again. He has blessed me so endlessly. He has proven to me so many times that he knows better than I what will make me happy. He has protected my children so many times even that I have witnessed. So in my mind it doesn't make sense. Why can't I just say "Lord, I trust you to completely, my life is in your hands" And then truly let go and enjoy the ride. It should be so easy. Why do I waste my time and energy agonizing over everything!
I hope some day I will be able to say that I don't worry, because I have perfect trust in my Father in Heaven. (I hope it is before I land myself in a mental institution :). I am truly thankful for my testimony of the gospel. I don't know how I could be happy without it. I am thankful for the perfect plan of our Father that helps us to grow and learn here on earth. I am thankful for the knowledge of eternal families. That the wonderful relationships with those we love SO much never have to end. I am thankful to know that our Lord and Savior knows our every pain and trial, even those we make for ourselves. I am thankful to know that he cares. I am thankful to Him for his sacrifice to make our joy possible. And I do feel so much joy. I feel worried today, but my life is so blessed. I have three of the most amazing children who make me laugh, and cry, and fill my life with endless happiness. My husband is the greatest man I have ever known. He gets better and better as the years go by. He is such a support and SOOO patient with me :). He is the perfect husband and father. We all wait impatiently for the times he is home. I cannot imagine living without him.
It has been an hour! Now, Ethan should almost be out of his surgery. I only have a few more hours of unnecessary worry before I can hold him!